The Perfect Dream

One of the few things in life that are perfect, are dreams.  Another thing that is so, are fantasies, but these things are truly perfect and exciting only because they have a seedy temptation to them.  So, being pure of mind, body, and spirit, I turned to thinking about the perfection of dreams.  I found only one commonality to each and all, and that is that no answer can be made to the question of a dream.  They are perfect and the only answer is, “yes.”

Often, the best dreams don’t even need to come true to be valued and honored, and cherished for life.  They exist in a constant state of excitement, never becoming sullied, or soiled, or destroyed, or replaced (unless to great reason).  They will often also morph with time, keeping pace with our growing age.  I have often labelled my dreams, calling them code words or names, like love, honey, home, friend, trust, fun, and remember.  I know what I mean, and if I am speaking with someone, perhaps a friend, and I talk about these, the greatest things in my life, I will very willingly, describe to great detail what it is all about.

So, today, a day like most other days in my life, I had time to be inside of a coffee shop, with all the bustling business and the coming and going of clientel.  I had time to myself and started to make notes about a discussion that had gone on earlier in the week.  We were trying to create  something of perfection inside the home, specifically the living room.  And, the key word that came up was dream.  All things led to this central word: “home, perfection, marriage, love, longevity, money, children, history, war and peace, and care.”  Why this list of ten words?  It was the most inclusive way to explain how each and every single person can look at their living room, in their home, and understand, just by the central code word, “dream.”

A place to live in, a place to sleep in, a place to fall in love in, a place to have fun in.  These are easily the things that happen in this hallowed room of ages and ages.  People take care of their living rooms, knowing that strangers and lovers and everyone else in between show up here, to meet, to greet, to discuss, and to arrange and to make deals.  Everything from life to death is discussed here, and if someone were to try to destroy or sully the sanctity of this room, with, say, a mention of the cost of money, then may they be banished, permanently, from this hallowed place.

Children are easily welcomed here, on condition that they behave.  If someone under the age of eighteen wants to lounge on the furniture, or jump on it, say, then, these children will have to either choose the family room of the basement, where the rec room is.  It is from these strange and foreign rules that the first idea of the dream of the living room is born.  “What is it that happens in such a forbidden place?”

Sometimes, the living room is almost like a “hallowed” place.  There sometimes are strict unspoken rules about entering and using it.  All a mother has to say is, “Don’t go in,” and any son and any daughter will not venture in, until, say, they have proof that they are smart enough to enter.  A graduation of some sort, or the purchase of that first real coffee table book of some real, serious, substance, even though it is a coffee table book.  Sometimes, turning eighteen is all a son or daughter needs to enter the barred place.  They move out and when they come to visit, they will walk into the living room, to peer at the glass cabinet, the “corner filler” of the three panel screen filled with family photos, or plunk a few keys on the upright piano.  They become automatically allowed to walk in and sit on the furniture, until mom invites them to eat something and drink something for afternoon snack and tea.  And, in this way, the sanctity, the dream, is not demolished.

The living room is misnamed by most people.  “Sitting room, the guest room, the front room.”  In the past, it had the best fireplace that could warm the room quickly and keep it at a comfortable temperature.  It held things of importance and value.  It was the right size, the best size, to be of the most comfort.  The rest of the house was not built with these specifications, where the need for room and space for use were the only determinants of size and comfort.  Even in this day, often the “living room,” is just one of those less used rooms.  Perhaps for the location of the room.  Perhaps it is just that one additional room that no one really has a use for.  Perhaps it is because mother has put so much China and figurines and silver plated finery into the room that it is dangerous to even turn around.  Even the basement has more use.  Although it is cold, even freezing, for most of the year, the size of the basement makes it a fun, dark, and imaginative place.  If anything could get broken down there, it wouldn’t matter.

Now, I remember shopping for the first house I could own.  We attended all the new house developments first, which allowed us to see new designs in the reality of walking into model homes.  The houses were gorgeous.  Often, the architects moved the rooms around, into different places, sometimes in a very imaginative way.  I felt like I was walking into a life-size dollhouse.  Sometimes, I was able to be appreciative of these innovative changes, but most times, I felt like I was inside those games where blocks are moved randomly around until a picture emerges.

We ended up buying a sixty-year-old house that we renovated, updating the wiring, the plumbing, and removing some of the walls.  It was expensive, but it was worth the cost and the incredible  way it was comfortable.  Even though it was built more than half-a-century before, the time-tested, the first, the intuitive way, seemed much more likeable than the fancy sizes and innovative placement of any of the new living rooms we saw.

The next change is coming.  And, like a busy ant or busy bee, I am already thinking ten to twenty years ahead.  We will have to down-size.  My criteria?  That the apartment have a living room.  I dream about this perfect apartment, as I am excited by change and look forward to being in the next place.  I actually have very few of the details understood, but I am finding that I am attracted by the idea of retirement.  I feel that being in a bright, roomy, place with complete access to all areas of home is how I imagine retirement.  Perhaps this home will be one large, enormous, living room.  Now, that would be quite the golden gem, quite the perfect dream, to own!

I Think Therefore I Am

I am wondering what sense it is making when you say, “I think, therefore I am.”  I am not sure if it is as much as a definition of being human as much as it is a definition of life.  If you watch your dog sniffing, scratching, digging, and, of course, excitedly greeting you with licks from his tongue, violently-wagging tail, and even barking to get your un-divided attention, there is no other explanation other than that he is thinking.  Cats are even more complex.  They are cats when they leave you at any time, going to find someplace to sleep, or, when they are loose, they become like wild animals, running from sounds and other people–frightened, of who knows what.  Then, as they like, they will seek your attention, and purr, satisfied, when it is given to them.

And, I continue to think.  Even plants–unable to move or make sound–almost seem to have the ability to think.  All plants and trees grow upwards, towards the sun.  So, if they are nearby a window, in the house, they will lean, from the pot, towards the sunlight.  If you play the plants music, or even talk to the plant, they will flourish, and grow with amazing, miracle-like, speed and health.  The thing with plants and trees is that they have no real ability to defend themselves.  So, unable to cling to life, they are at the mercy of the more able.

So, is being smarter, a more accurate definition of being human?

Really, is being smarter only useful in taking tests and trying to get the score of 100%?  Is happiness made of brains?  I can  only guess that cat and dog are both happy animals.  And that human beings, being more dominant, and smarter, perhaps the word is complex–Are we smarter or dumber?  The thing with us is that we both create happiness and sorrow, both from being smarter and dumber too.

Is there any such thing as living a perfect life?  Like a pitcher in baseball, who can pitch a full game, without one hit nor base run, can we also live a perfect life?  Perfect, being 100%.  Perfect, being happy with whatever it is you have, even if it is not perfect.  Have any of us ever seen an unhappy dog?  An unhappy cat?  Do all we do, with a dying and dead plant, is put it into the recycling–the green compost?  Are we happier, because we know what to do?

As summer vacation is coming to being half over, I think of the plans that I had at the beginning, and how everything happened differently.  Even I, cannot predict, with all my thought and experience, the things I plan for.  Things start somewhere, and I remember these starts again, and again, and I tell myself and my kids that soon, yes, we will do everything soon.

So, happily, I am going to try to get out into the sun, with sunscreen, and try to just soak up the warmth that doesn’t happen in the winter.  I cherish such beautiful days.  And I remember that happiness sometimes is just the sun rising and setting and the moon at night.

Official Welcome to Summer!

The pavement was hot this afternoon, radiating heat from its black asphalt top, making the day very humid.  We were in suburbia where all roads are big, wide, and long.  The buildings lining the sides of the “highway-like” main streets were heated as well.  It was one large, integrated, oven.  I couldn’t wait to get out of the parking lot and into the air-conditioned mall, and coming out, I couldn’t wait to get into the car and turn on the energy-sucking air-conditioning as well.  What made this situation overbearing was the constant sunshine.  It is much pleasanter on a beach,  in this circumstance, as I would not be covered in clothes.  I would have the sunscreen, a good pair of sunglasses, and possibly a movable umbrella to park over top of my movable beach chair.  (And probably, I would get the chance to get drunk if I had bought something all-inclusive!)  In any case, today’s weather was a welcome start to the summer season.

I was thinking only good thoughts.  And, who wouldn’t if they had such nice weather?  The sales were on in the shops, and having my cell phone with me, made me relax because I wasn’t anxious about missing the links to all the work happening.

So, my mind also seems to speed in this good weather.  I think fast, sometimes, furious thoughts.  “Furious” as in fast with a tail of heat that is pleasant, blazing an idea or chasing a laugh.  It is easy to think from  one thing to another.  I could only laugh, all afternoon.  This made me a little looser with my pocketbook, and I let myself make many dollar sale purchases.

I looked forward to getting home, as I had this itch again.  This itch to put my ideas in to an essay, so that I have more than just a memory of sunshine and beaches.

The fun thing about the four seasons, is that we are willing to suffer a lot, in order to enjoy the best weather.  Even if the best weather is actually here for less than a quarter of the year.  We put all this tolerance, all this thought forward, all this endurance, into our hearts and minds, so that the best weather is truly as it is…  As it truly exists.  We have no dispute.

And back home, doing the usual things (outside it is still “unusually” hot and sunny… compared to just one week ago), doing the usual things also seems easier and more fun to do.  It is not, something that will take two hours….  It is something that will splish splash, and be all clean, again, with no idea where the time went!  So, I will do the laundry, and I will make an easy dinner on the grill.  Then we will oh so comfortably and oh so easily fall asleep tonight.  I know in the morning, because I got the activity and I didn’t stress out, and I was relaxed, with rest and confidence in the world, that I will be very well-rested.  I am looking forward to having times like these more often.  I am hoping that it is not just this time of year when I will have times like these.  I have hope.

The coming global warming trend does trouble me.  I worry that good things will be harder to find and that it will take more money to find any of it.  I am always afraid of the future, as what I have now is only sufficient for now, and not another fifty years.  I am part of a group of people where great change happened to us all very very quickly in a short span of time.  There is no prediction possible, time-wise, or product wise… or if there will even be success.  I am always in some sort of “school.”  It is a place I am familiar with, with experts, professionals, and peers.  We see each other often and we give ourselves projects, trying to get people interested in our ideas and creations.

So, now, I relax.  The good sunny weather is a Godsend.  It helps my mood, and it makes living the minutia of every day, something pleasant.  I play a little more in the sun.  I spend more time doing productive work, with more of a smile on my face. I feel this smile, as my heart is as light as the day is.  I remember to thank people more often, and I remember to appreciate the little things… the minutia. So, this is my official welcome to summer.   And, this year, I am looking toward a good year.  A year of feeling happy and successful.  Ola!

Keeping Promise During Struggle

The tall tree stands by the stand of the tall buildings.  It is a break in the street, apparent against the sky.  When the sun is shining, reflections of light create glare off glass and metal.  I am happy in this warm weather and think of the man I want to marry.  Everything seems perfect, and I hope everything is true.

Where can I get to where I want to go?

Remembering those early days when everything was just as hopeful as everything was just as hopeless.  We are married now, and those days still stay with me.  The freedom is in the marriage–the promise of the hope I had, and therefore the promise of happily ever after.

When struggling through the day, when work is working like a dog, and I am mindlessly keeping up, and I think of all the undone work I have to do once I leave the office, I truly do struggle.  I usually just take a deep breath, and literally, with stoic face and demeanor, soldier on into the evening until I can finally fall, exhausted, into sleep for seven hours.

Life is long, and sometimes, because there are so many things happening all the time, it can accommodate a full range of responses and results.  I am, by nature moved by these things, again and again.  I am beginning to find that knowing less when I was younger, truly was a blessing.  Now, when I look at these scenes, and these places, I find that mostly, I was wrong in assuming the way things were, was in fact the natural order of things.  I am jaded now.  Things will never again be as good and as perfect as when we were all at the beginning.

I am glad  that I was young when I fell in love with my husband and I am glad that me married young.  We have had many years filled with happiness.  We are still together and comfortable.  Now, even raising children and parenting them, is easy in this family.

The scene of buildings and trees is a common enough sight in this city.  When I see that moment, that moment, when everything was just as hopeless as well as just as hopeful, I am back to that first day, when I was hoping I was in true love.  With age, the judgement of good and evil, and middling, is much easier to make, and I find I am much more satisfied with just doing the same things over.  I find that a cup of coffee in the morning is satisfying enough to take me to the next morning.  No more one more latte for the afternoon….  I am not going to over-satisfy myself.

The on-coming summer season, is just as exciting this year, as it  was last year.  I am trying to remember where all my summer clothes are…  hidden in the drawers of cabinets and chests, and armoirs in the rooms of this house.  There’s also the closet, for things that must hang.  I am a bit of a peacock and love to match the frilly, colorful things all together.  The warm weather reminds me that often we will be out late into the evening and sometimes, as a treat, at the cottage, we will sit  by the lake and light a fire in the fire pit there, into the deep night.

Everything is filled, and everything is filling.  Every morning is a treat and every night is an easy rest.  I live from one moment to the next, filled with surprise form one surprise to the next.