Tag Archives: arguments

Why Thunder Storms Thrill Me

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Men are big, like a thunder head.  As frightening and as surprising.  I stop and laugh and breathe in my laugh.  Then in three seconds I see the lightening.

I have learned to fall asleep in a thunder-storm–the noise and the light a soothing background outside my curtained window.  This is the type of beauty that is heard first–the rolling noise, and sometimes the bang–coming first to be followed by the bright flash of light.

Sometimes I miss these thunderstorm days, which make making decisions and trying to find something to do automatically done and decided.  If you go outside during a thunder and lightening storm, you risk being struck dead by lightening, and this probably is more likely if you carry an umbrella.  (Metal attracts electricity.)  The umbrella, being standing high and tall, is a seeker of the lightening, especially on a golf course.

So, take care, if you have to be outside.  I often cancel all my plans for some relaxing nap time.  If I am on a schedule, and I have to go out, I will rush from door to car and then drive very carefully and then rush from car to door.  Even though I feel secure in the car, because of the four rubber wheels that insulate from electricity, I am afraid of the wet roads and front windshield full of rainwater running down.  Almost no visibility and wet rubber slipping and sliding make me nervous.  Brakes and engines do not respond like hands and feet.

So, when I have the luxury to reschedule and just fall flat  into bed, I do.

I f I am with my husband, he is guaranteed to drive.  In fact, it makes me nervous having him beside me in the passenger’s seat.  So, a happy house and home is me in the passenger seat, yelling at the kids to keep quiet while we are driving!  My husband…  God bless him, does the dangerous thing of yelling too…  I warn him again, and again, that he might as well be texting when he takes his mind off the road!  So, we risk our lives every time we get into this contraption that is the car.

I also know, that even when he uses his membership at the race car track to drive a speeds imagined vicariously on iMax screens, that that is not really enough.  He denies it, but I know when we are not in the car with him, that he races between the stoplights.  On the highways, he waits for the fun curvy part, turns on his police radar, and races.

It is so dangerous.  It is frightening.  And I cannot stop him.  It is an argument we have… both for real and both for the sake of arguing facts..  Sometimes I just give up.  Sometimes, I become affected and I have to yell very loudly at him before I can calm down and just let my thoughts and sentiments be known in a precisely said word.

So, if you happen to be reading this…, please…. please….  Stop racing the car!!!!  Stupid.

These things are just the things that nature makes.  I ponder and think, and still cannot come to an understanding.  Where is all the sense?  Where is all the reason?  Where are these things of the brain and the mind?  Well, I have to agree with most people, reading a book is not the same thing as watching the movie.  Movies have come a long way since the nineteen-twenties.  There is sound, color, foley artists, and magical flying brooms.  I wouldn’t know what a magical flying is if I didn’t watch it on a movie screen.  The safe thing about watching it in a movie, it that we know the actors are not likely to die to the real world and never appear again.  If we attempt the magic at home, we also attempt suicide.   So, this is my sense, and this is my reason.  We can still live and have a good time even if we do not carry AK-47‘s and fly fighter planes into an air battle.  We can stop pretending to be on a race car track in between the stop lights, as that… driving at track speeds on a narrow road where stopped cars, slow cars, and cars that are changing lanes, is what will kill you and the other driver.

So, husband of mine, please drive like a normal person!!!  He is spoilt and has access to too many gadgets.  He knows too many tricks.  And a crazy, ability to figure out any type of engineering.  Stupid.

So, I welcome thunder and lightening storms.  We are in agreement that when there is one, I will drive, otherwise we stay at house and home and have a nap.

It Is Easy to Love Someone Who Is Beautiful

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It is easy to love someone who is beautiful.  When we are in love, everything is perfect, even when we yell at each other angrily, threatening the bindings around us.  At that time, no one is perfect, and definitely love is not perfect at all.  Because  I usually dismiss anything that is not perfect, I storm out and leave you.  The next day, with regret and embarrassment and tenderness, I plead for forgiveness, and demand a condition: stop starting arguments over things that are past changing.  Things sometimes are broken and things sometimes can’t be dealt with through demands an irresponsible, uncaring handling.

Sometimes even when the sun is out, the storminess of a relationship is enough to make the day feel cloudy and overcast, and damp, and hopeless, and like even asking a question is not going to take anything anywhere….  Let alone being the answer to the question of the problem.  The mind whirls around and around, the quiet sound of moving emotions, a quiet soundtrack to the beating heart.  And, so, in confrontation of the situation, we find a way to think of doing what is always so impossible after an argument.  We will re-explain ourselves.  We will listen to what you are saying, and accept it as real, and worth my careful consideration and effort in careful handling.

And, so, I am in love with a beautiful man.  And, we argue, not because it makes us work on our relationship, but, because, our relationship sometimes is not perfect.  We are always threatening the end to each other, but, something makes us come back.  Is it the politeness we have with each other?  Does this mean we are always stuck in second gear?  Never continuing to go to THAT place?  What will make us comfortable?  What will make us stop making threats to each other?  And, make our arguments about our poor taste in fashion, or our mistake in meeting an appointment because we are absent minded… not an issue of being a cruel and evil couple.  Are we truly in the deepest love with each other?  Are we poor at the games couples play?  Why, do we have all these troubles and problems?

I am afraid we will start using our bank accounts as ammunition in our on-going battle.  I am afraid that we will, or at least one of us, will end up a street person, dragging the world’s belongings around with us, picking up shopping carts and other towing contraptions with us.  We sleep in filth, covering the shopping cart with garbage bags so that n one will take it, or, any of the things inside.  I am afraid that all we will have of each other, will be some framed photograph that is the last one we can hold on to…  It being the last vestige of evidence of having been married to each other.

We have not taken our argument of each other to the front of our children.  They do not hear our dissatisfaction with each other.  As much as they are concerned, we are a happily married couple with a happy family that will be together for all of eternity.  It boggles my mind, that anyone, any two people, can be in love forever….  Happily ever after.  How much of it is work?  And how much of it is love?  It is difficult.  So, when we have that time, that place that our children do not go to (at least, not with us), we redirect our view.  We are starting to find some other view.   Some other reason.  Some other way to love.  “Staying together for the  Children” is not something that will hold us together for very long.  Right now, it almost feels like we are lying all the time, especially, to our children.  So, whenever we get that chance, to go to that place, we do.  We send our children to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, and we have that time.

This is not a quick and fast way to make our marriage work, but it is something that we appreciate in each other.  We are working with our relationship with the things that work in it.  We are going towards loving each other like we did, before two others, namely, our son and daughter, became our family.  On our eyes, we want to be that “Number 1” to each other that we once were.

The Spring is coming.  Fear of floating around the universe alone is not appealing.  I truly hope that we can work out the problems stopping our relationship from being all that it can be.  Either that, or we fiend out the limit that our relationship is… through work and caring, and mutual effort and understanding of each other.  I am someone who truly wants to be on this journey of life that is here now.  I hope that it is  something that I will not be in regret with.  I don’t want to fail at living my life.